The Power of Listening

Core Scripture: “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” (Romans 12:15)

Message: I met Woodpecker through F3. He led us through a beatdown workout last Tuesday morning. It was cold enough to freeze your nose hairs. Although sipping on coffee in the comfort of my home, wrapped up in a cozy blanket, sounded better, there is something about powering your way through a workout with your brothers that gives you a sensation of achievement.

I got that much-needed coffee soon afterwards. Five of us posted up at Starbucks, shooting the breeze, checking in on each other’s lives, and of course laughing. You need to have the laughs, and they came freely as the last man to arrive stood dancing outside the Starbucks window, raising his sweatshirt to show off his belly. I was the only one who finally saw him.

I find it essential to embrace that middle school boy inside you at times. You need it to get through life.

The coffee was great, but the conversation and fellowship were even more needed. We listened to each other’s hearts. Some needed encouragement. Others needed a laugh or two. All of us just needed a group of brothers to open up to. That is where the beauty of F3 really happens. When a man exposes his heart and becomes vulnerable, it may feel uncomfortable at first, but the feeling is liberating.

Woodpecker messaged me later that morning. I was shocked to find out he knew a lot of hurt from my life back in the fall of 2024. He had heard about some outrageous claims made against me and wanted to hear my perspective on what happened. Certainly, this guy (me) was not guilty of what they were accusing him of! He invited me to lunch at Minsky’s on Friday. His treat.

I will not divulge the details of our conversation that day. They are too personal to share here. And the details are not the point. The point is that Woodpecker listened. He allowed me to spill the story, piece by piece, from my perspective. I heal more every time I share my story, but this time it was different. This time it was me sharing with a man who knew both parties. A man who was caught in the middle.

His listening ear meant the world to me. I barely had time to sink my teeth into the piping hot pizza, but I didn’t care. His words soothed my aching soul. Somebody took the time to hear not just one side of the story but both sides. Somebody finally understood me!

Woodpecker likewise shared some perspective from the other side. Details that I had never heard about. They stung a little as I began to realize that although my intentions were for the best, I was not all that innocent. I had some deep regrets that were now flooding my heart as I began to see the viewpoint of my enemies.

Did I just say enemies? I am not sure the right word was chosen there. Maybe we will say adversaries. It doesn’t sound as harsh, and the perpetrators love Jesus just as much as I do. They were blindsided by some misunderstood intentions from my end, and rightfully so.

Taking a walk in their shoes was not easy. I began to wonder if I would have acted the same way had I been in the same situation. Maybe so? I am unsure. That humility slowly crept through my soul, and admittedly so, it had been for some time. I wanted to apologize. I craved to make amends. The Lord was working on my heart, and He told me it was okay to come clean and ask for forgiveness.

But life isn’t a Hallmark movie. There are times when you try to reach out and the opposing side is not willing to listen to you. I confessed to my friend that it was almost a year to the day last fall when I tried to reconnect with these people. The olive branch I tried to extend was rejected. The one person I yearned to say I was sorry to the most would not even hear me out.

I could not change that. Those people had moved on, and bringing up old ghosts from the past might have been difficult for them, too. Maybe they were not willing to face them yet. Maybe there was still some healing on their side that needed to take place. Especially when they were only making decisions that were trying to protect their loved ones.

There are so many lessons I pull from this story. First and foremost, be a Woodpecker! Take time to listen to a friend. Empathize with them. Tell them you feel their pain. Tell them that this must have been so hard. Sometimes that is all people want. Just to be heard. To be listened to.

Secondly, take a walk in the shoes of the opposing side. It never feels comfortable, but Jesus modeled this with His disciples when some ruthless Roman soldiers forced them to carry their equipment a full mile. Jesus blew everyone’s mind, including His disciples’, when He not only went that mile but went the EXTRA mile following.

Finally, when it comes to conflict, always seek to understand. Proverbs 4:7 says, “The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding.” Beyond that, Jesus tells us the best way to handle that is to, “go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back” (Matthew 18:15).

Speak face to face amidst conflict. Not over the phone. Not via text message or email. These modes of communication, although necessary in our lives, can be misinterpreted. I have learned this lesson the hard way numerous times, and sadly it has led to some hurt feelings afterwards.

I am in debt to my new friend, Woodpecker. This was the first one-on-one conversation we had ever experienced, and I certainly hope it is not the last. He not only gave me an hour and a half of his time, but he felt compelled to get out his checkbook and blessed me with an extraordinary above and beyond financial gift. I teared up at the amount he freely gave.

It was the same amount needed to cover a dental procedure my wife just informed me she needed.

The Lord always provides, doesn’t He? Sometimes He provides in ways we don’t expect. Ways that are beyond our understanding. And when God shows up like that, I have no choice but to sing His praises and share of His goodness here.

PSALM 47

¹Come, everyone! Clap your hands!
    Shout to God with joyful praise!
²For the Lord Most High is awesome.
    He is the great King of all the earth.
³He subdues the nations before us,
    putting our enemies beneath our feet.
⁴He chose the Promised Land as our inheritance,
    the proud possession of Jacob’s descendants, whom he loves. Interlude

⁵God has ascended with a mighty shout.
    The Lord has ascended with trumpets blaring.
⁶Sing praises to God, sing praises;
    sing praises to our King, sing praises!
⁷For God is the King over all the earth.
    Praise him with a psalm.
⁸God reigns above the nations,
    sitting on his holy throne.
⁹The rulers of the world have gathered together
    with the people of the God of Abraham.
For all the kings of the earth belong to God.
    He is highly honored everywhere.

Challenge: Who in your life is going through a difficult time? Do they need to be listened to? Carve out precious time to be with them. Don’t try to fix their problems. Just listen.

Bible study: Read John 4 and journal about or discuss the following questions …

How is this woman feeling rejected?
What questions does Jesus ask her?
How did Jesus listen to this woman’s problems?
How did Jesus invite the woman to know Him without shoving the gospel down her throat?
What person in your life is that woman at the well?
How can you share Jesus with them?

Prayer points: Lift up the following areas to the Lord …

Praise God for His provision!
Praise God for friends who really listen.
Praise God for His amazing grace that He freely gives us through Jesus Christ.
Prayers for continued healing in my heart as I try to put my hope and trust in Him.

Just for fun: Sometimes we have a difficult time trying to fix problems when God only wants us to listen. I was reminded of this downright hilarious marriage video that I saw long ago. Enjoy!