Misunderstandings happen.  All the time actually.  Chances are you have experienced this on the job.  Maybe it was a disagreement with a colleague, or something was taken out of context with your administration.  For me recently, it was a friend’s comment taken the wrong way.

I was hurt.  Not fuming with anger but definitely offended.  This was coming from one of my best friends from F3, and I couldn’t get it off my mind.  He had made the speech in front of our entire group of men—probably 18 total—and I had been embarrassed.  Bad. 

What do you do in these situations?  Do you spout off before hearing the other person out?  Do you hold your tongue?  How do you communicate?  Is it via phone call?  Email?  Texting?  Or do you just sweep these conflicts under the rug, hoping they take care of themselves?

Been there, done that.  Too many times.  I hate conflict.  The thing is when you sweep conflict under the rug, it never gets any better.  It collects dust, somehow grows, and ends up causing catastrophe when someone trips on the rug. 

I knew I had to say something to him.  So, I did.  But this was not going to get done over text or email.  Tone can be misconstrued, and my friendship was not worth risking over this.  I got home and texted him that I would appreciate the time to talk with him.  Preferably on another F3 walk that Sunday.  He replied back immediately, saying that would be great.

Man, it was hard to hold back my frustration in the text.  But I did as best I could.  I had read in the Word recently the way Jesus instructs how to handle conflict.  He gives the perfect outline in Matthew 18:15-17.

“If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back.  But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses.  If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. Then if he or she won’t accept the church’s decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector.”

Go privately at first. Not with others yet. By yourself. State your offense face to face with that person. Watch your tone. A heated tone could escalate the situation. Remain calm. Seek to understand your opponent. Can you picture Jesus acting this out? What would that look like? Emulate that experience.

Sunday came.  I was ready to state my case.  One guy was on my side.  Others were in the middle.  A few were against my stance.  We started our trek across Heritage Park.  It took a while to get to our discussion, but when we did, it was productive.  I had a conversation with five or six men about the situation, and in the end, we mutually understood each other better. 

Was it pretty?  As they say in Proverbs 27:17, iron sharpens iron.  We were certainly sharpening each other, but clanging iron together is not glamorous.  We had to work though some stuff.  But there was a mutual understanding at the end.  I got some stuff off my chest, and so did they.  God was certainly at work and present in our conversation.

The aftermath was beautiful though.  My buddy asked me to go on a walk with him the next week.  Just him and me.  We trekked through the neighborhood.  I shared my testimony with him.  The full version.  The version that led him to say, “I want to hear more!  Let’s circle the cul-de-sac again.”  It was awesome. Our friendship has never been stronger.

A few other scriptures come to mind when I think of handling conflict.  Here they are:

• “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:31-32)
• “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1)
• “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.” (Matthew 5:9)

Nobody wants to be misunderstood.  If misunderstanding happens, choose the right path to correct someone else.  Do it face to face.  Not via phone call.  Not over texting or email.  Certainly not through anger.  Seek to understand the other side. 

But how?  How can you do this when your feelings have been hurt or vice versa?

My advice is to take the 10,000-foot view.  Lay your feelings to the side.  Step out of the problem and hoover above the scene like a drone.  Ask questions.  Ask yourself if you took part in the conflict.  Apologize if you realize that is the case.  Don’t expect an apology from the other side.  Allow the other side to be heard.  Lean on humility. 

Proverbs 11:2 states, “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom.”  Pride is such a sneaky sin.  It almost feels as if you are right, and you try to assert your dominance over someone.  This is wrong.  Be humble.  With humility comes life-giving wisdom. 

I crave wisdom right now as I go through my own struggles.  I would sincerely appreciate prayers for wisdom as I navigate feelings of frustration, anger, and sorrow.  If you are reading this and I have offended you in any manner, I hope you know that I am sorry. 

Sometimes saying sorry is the first step to repentance.